The death of a dream....

The title seems kind of harsh, but the reality is the feelings that go along with the realization that whatever dreams we may have had for Erik ARE harsh. We feel like we have gone through all of the emotions that someone would go through when a loved one dies. I have been in denial. I have been angry, depressed, felt guilty, and hopeless (this one I tend to get stuck in). I believe in my heart and my mind all of the Jesus answers we are told to believe - everything happens for the good of those who love him... For I know the plans I have for you... Be still and know that I am God, etc.; however, I can not forget what we have been through. Occasionally, my feelings are stirred by looking back and never forgetting, but I also see the importance of truly knowing and accepting what we have been going through. The one emotion or feeling I think I have forgotten to deal with is how scary this journey is. We have no idea what Erik's potential is and yet, we are driven to dream and hope. It is a dangerous request of our hearts to continually hope for the best and dream for his future. I find myself hesitating to move forward, because of the fear of having to grieve the death of our ever-changing dreams for Erik.

We can not deny the goodness and joy brought into so many lives because of Erik; however, we have been called to care for him and raise him to be who God intended him to be. While this is the call of all parents, there seems to be so much pressure to get this one right. So, dreaming and hoping for Erik has become a different picture. We dream of the little things in life and hope for Erik's best, not what we depict to be his best. I know I have talked about this before, but for some reason, this idea is heavy on my heart.

We have been blessed to find a community of people on Facebook where parents of children who also have disorders of Chromosome 6 can find support, encouragement, and answers. While there is no doubt that we have benefited from this group my heart breaks for the families who are going through much tougher situations than ours. .

We will continue to walk this tightrope of fear and faith, but more often than not my dreams die and my faith has to step in so I am reminded to keep going and not give up on Gods reality for Erik. It is a constant readjustment...